Monday, 27 December 2010


In the least morbid possible way, let's assume You went missing. On the flipside, in the most optimistic cloud-silver-lining kind of way, let's assume Your disappearance is nationally newsworthy. If You were newsworthy, the newspeople would have a picture of You so they had a face to the name. Also, people watching the news would know who they were looking for when they went looking for You, in Tesco Metro where You were seen buying spinach and ricotta ravioli, or at Natwest where You were seen withdrawing an undisclosed amount of money, all stuffed into one of their DL-sized envelopes or at the local outdoor swimming pool where You were seen doing backstroke for what seemed like an eternity.

Have You ever thought what picture they'd use of You? It's an important picture. That picture will be sat like a pride-of-place painting, at two o'clock to George Alagiah's head every six o'clock until something more terrible than Your disappearance happens somewhere else in the world. Your face in that picture will etch itself into the minds of millions, reinforced when they go online to read the newspapers, where Your Face will once again crop up.

How important is that picture?

In the most morbid way possible, let's assume You're never found. That picture is what You will look like forever. Sure, if You're really newsworthy, The Sun will do a computer-generated mock-up of how You might look today. And You might think your close friends and family will retain a proper likeness of you in their minds. Your lover will remember the concentration in Your face when You cooked a Hangover Cure Full English the afternoon after the night before for the pair of you; friends will remember your air-guitar face on nights out whenever The Chain by Fleetwood Mac would come on; the parentals will remember when you ran in the house after passing your driving test at the first attempt, which was remarkable given that You'd only had ten lessons.

I asked you how important that picture was.

The answer is, that picture has a bouncebackability that even Your Mother can't fight and she too will eventually be brainwashed by this immortal image of You - your age, your self-image, your emotions on the day that picture was taken, all frozen in time.

The question is then, how do you want to be remembered?

Tuesday, 14 December 2010


Where have you been my little friend?

Have you been hiding in a cupboard?
Maybe you were truffling in the shrubbery?
Possibly it could be that you been sniffing dogs bums?
...Or perhaps you have been to the bermuda triangle and back?
Can you have been taken hostige by pipe smoking parrots (of the kakapo variety)?
Or were you swimming with cephalopods?
Somehow you may have been dancing with Babushka dolls?
Or hunting the rare Mr L. David?
Have you been fighting with albino wasps?
Or maybe travelled to the Vatican to frolick with the pope?
Playing sudoku against your leg?

Off the radar is where you are.

(Written by J.J.Hartley)

Sunday, 5 December 2010

Fly Season

You know, Sometimes
at the end of the summer
You figure you've just had Fly Season.
You've been
flies all summer season long and it's taken you to the end of the season to realize that you've just had The Summer Season of Flies.
Fly Season.