Thursday, 28 October 2010

C'est la Grève!




I prognosticate a dystopia
Lines of the Listless
Reams of the Restless
Spun out, wrung out, hung out to dry
In the cold
Where they don't feel the benefit of social engineering
An ethnic cleanse that contends
With the measures of Slobodan Milosevic
I'm sick of this sweetening with molasses kiss
Spare me the bullshit.
"We're in this together."
We're antithetical!
A compassionate con;
This time was supposed to be heretical!
Instead,
Fat Cats on the back bench titter and snigger
While the trigger on the Magnum pop-pops with vigour
The rounds aimed at the ligger
Who's pot for getting the Stella's in gets bigger and bigger
But it's the taxpayer who's got the hangover
Said yesterday's chip shop wrapping paper.
So rank, (apparently)
They single file
For fifteen minutes of fame on Jeremy Kyle.
Braggadocio of the braggarts that get them all roused
Of eight mothers for eight kids and a free council house,
Four teeth of which three of them are gold
Family silver and values are sold
Then good old Jezza gets them told.
"Go out, get a job and work like the rest of us have to!"
Of course, it's Trident tested years ago
Jobs for the boys, we look on amazed
At new improved ceilings, double-glazed.
Everyone's sat about thinking,
Pick your victim accordingly,
Don't slash the system remorselessly
If wielding the axe is a necessity
Then for the love of God,
Let's do this progressively.

Friday, 28 May 2010

Million Pound Drop



If you think it's too obvious, it's probably the right answer.

Saturday, 15 May 2010

Ill Cry




Just when I thought it would be impossible to go any lower, I've reached the ultimate in emasculation. I just had a ill cry. You know, when you cry for no reason, because you're ill. Ill cry. I might tender that to Urban Dictionary. The Ill Cry.

Sunday, 2 May 2010

The Indelible Jeff Stelling



Sometimes, when I watch Sky Sports News, I find the news keeps happening over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. Again.

Sometimes, when I watch Sky Sports News, I find the news keeps happening over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. Again.

Sometimes, when I watch Sky Sports News, I find the news keeps happening over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. Again.

Sometimes, when I watch Sky Sports News, I find the news keeps happening over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. Again.

Sometimes, when I watch Sky Sports News, I find the news keeps happening over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. Again.

Sometimes, when I watch Sky Sports News, I find the news keeps happening over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. Again.

Thursday, 29 April 2010

Pain



In the beginning,
Way back when,
When I was younger,
I used to think of Pain
as a quantifiable, tangible thing
In your body.
Like blood.

The Fifth Musketeer to the Four Humours.

Small tumours would congregate
In my mouth
I'd lacerate
With the sharp side of my canines
'Til it all came out.

It never came out.

Thursday, 1 April 2010

Excuse



So, this is how we do
We meander along meaningless rivers of bunf
Synonymous with the inebriated sway of the sotted street drunk
A series of sycophantic platitudes, beatitudes, sententious sentences
Back and forth, forth, back and forth
We go, spitting nuggets of Foucault
With topspin, So
The ball bounces at awkward heights
I set sights
On a sliced backhand down the line
It's returned
Red wine gets decanted into rants
Convoluted bants
All really an excuse, just to say hey.